pogi and me, 02.02.2010. photo by carlo, processing by me

it’s a month past the new year and ive been asking myself what personal goals i should make for the year. and perhaps change some things ive been doing for the betterment of self. im not a new-year resolution kind of guy but januaries bring me to evaluate my past work and check on future goals. being an adult now more than before and after the death of my grandmother, i do realize that a lot of what life offers us is fluff. excesses. and right now, i see much more clearly that there are really very few simple and essential things out there. love of God. family. health. and sleep.

the question that plagues me to answer is what happens if i die today? im turning 32 this year. in this day of technology and preservatives, that’s the new middle age. probably anything of excess after turning 65 years old is a blessing. i may be earning enough and at least i have social security plus a pag-asa and philhealth account but that’s it. i have no other life insurance, pension plan, funeral plan, no additional medical benefits.

i have savings in the bank that may cover the funeral parlor and cemetery costs but not everything.  my parents are living off their pension and a from few side projects but would have to get a loan to buy me a p10,000 coffin (by today’s standards means it’s the simplest and cheapest one). my assets includes a collection of cheap books mostly from booksale, a few accessories from previous shoots, my computer, a clothes steamer and a piece of paper that says im going to own this parcel of land overlooking a beautiful sunset over the pineapple plantations in bukidnon (if i finish paying it off in the next five years).

why so morbid? oh, dont worry, back in 2003 i felt death’s dark cloud of doom hovering over me and i actually wrote out a simple last will and testament, plus a letter of thanks to friends and family. this year, ive been haunted by my grandmother’s death. it is inevitable, we have to leave some time. and like what i blogged previously, i felt my lola’s stay with us still falls short even at the age of 86 (at least 31 years when i knew her).

life is precious and is too short! ive already winged through 31 years and i want to make the most of the rest of my life not by indulging myself with every release of dvd out there, or the season’s batch of clothes. i dont want this to be a race of watching every frame of movie filmed or singing along the newest musical on broadway, not reading through every new published piece (Lord knows i havent even touched a full 2-3 millenia of the classics and previously printed masterpieces).

what matters to me now is cherishing every bit of time with the people i love. papayong (thank God he’s getting better), mamayette (who’s aging caught me by surprise), mamati (she has to keep making people laugh), tita an (she has to get married soon na! we have a wedding to plan), papi (more music and more pasta and more papi-time with the kids), leakat (who’s gonna be in college this year), layagurl (we’re hoping she’ll get in to makiling), max (who’ll be somebody some day im sure), carlo (we’re in this together, all the way). survivor daddy ongcs. tatems (who’s also getting older right before our very eyes). friends from cdo, friends from church, friends from arki and friends from finearts. my colleagues. my staff.

that said, i think im ready for the rest of the year now. i will have to plot out my goals more but maybe ill be more prepared for it. rant rant rant. restlessness does this to me. i have the rest of my life ahead of me now. 2010, bring it on!