lost in translation

i feel like im in some limbo, confused and anxious. restless nga diba? yesterday to save myself from boredom, i went out with my cuzins for some beers to drown out my sorrows. wow. drinking to forget problems? never really did that. yeah i drink but only to heighten cognitive processing and flavor discourses with inspired (spirited), enlightened visions and viewpoints. so anyway, the night air was cool and crisp, the atmosphere set with music by brit artists, and we spent most of the time lamenting on the state of our praise and worship bands. eh?

my relationship with the peoples on mindanao country is both comforting and alien at the same time. my existence here is temporary at best. i wouldnt want to explain, my migraine’s kicking up mainly due to the caramel chocolate cake we had at bigby’s this afternoon.

while cruising down the aisles of the ororama grocery area, cuzin maylin and i chanced upon hairdyes and i bought a packet of black dye to try on doing tattoos, pretty much like what youd do with henna. i then spent the better part of the late evening painting my left hand with t’boli inspired designs that ran from halfway up my fingers all the way down to a little below my wrist.

it’s just unfortunately that i only have one drawing hand. while my whole left hand is covered with ethnic patterns, my right is clean as a slate. talk about being bored. at least i was trying to be creative, using my body as canvas. maybe i should stretch my back on a frame and hang it up the wall. that might be too hannibalistic.

movies, musings

happy new year

hi all. finally afforded some time to update on the how-now browncows of me. im in mindanao and looking forward to doing this documentary for bukidnon. unfortunately my contact lost his cellphone and the only way to contact him is through email, and im almost never online as i used to.

so, “how now, browncow?” well, i just finished working on my boss’s film. it might not see light in local theaters as it is slated for an international release. i havent finished my docus in lake sebu and la paz zamboanga. im paranoid about wasting time in mindanao. i wanna go study abroad but i am clearly not viable to finance myself. i wanna get a laptop so i can be mobile.

looking forward to phantom of the opera the film. id think it will be a fascinating experience. for the mmff, ive seen only panaghoy sa suba, which i enjoyed, and happy together, which was, for lack of a more smarter term, stupid.

ive seen the documentary on the making of star wars from the bonus dvd disc of the original trilogy. am giving it to fanatic cuzin patsy for xmas.

i will be updating my page for real once i get back in manila. ill be following the template i used in about me, and might keep it that way for around 3 months, much like when i kept the balot embryo/these dreams templates for months.

im broke but im happy.

i miss my online friends. havent made chika or left notes and comments to them. i feel so removed since i havent really been online for months. since november. i havent recovered from supposed separation anxiety. i have my issues with this particular unintentional withdrawal. it’s driving me nuts!

i feel this is rather temporary. im bound for greater things yet my life is at a standstill, ready to take the plunge but not quite. a lot of things are missing. does time matter? perhaps. opportunities are nothing as long as i stay in mindanao. it’s a trap i dont have the energy to break out of too.

my life was at a roll until january seeped in. now i have lots of pending jobs and things are piling up. and i dont have the will to let things happen. or stop it from happening. things might get worse. and ive no idea what’s taking place.

how hard can life get?

a picture cesar hernando, my professor, took while in prague. when he realized ive been using paderewski for my domain name and email names, he gave me this copy. i learned about paderewski when i was a child. one of my dad’s various classical albums contained a recording of a waltz by paderewski, a polish diplomat turned pianist. my aunt, tabexs, commented on paderewski, it resembling the family surname, padero. years later, while in search of a name for my first email address (back in 1997 i presume) i remembered that recording, hence i started using paderewski.

the use of “unburdening my digital soul” was inspired by the film, “the matrix.” as i am clearly not out of it, i am in fact still slave to the machine, and since i would in effect dream electronic sheep and simulate environments that are of the virtual world, then what i know of myself is artificial. and perhaps my soul also is. although ive surrender to the God almighty, i may be conscious only of my digital soul, which rants and raves every so often. and to lay down my weary self on electrons, i unburden myself the only way i know.

enough blabber for now. i wish you all a joyous year ahead, i pray your goals and ambitions be fulfilled and may God be glorified always. oh yes, Lord do forgive us all. cheers to you Lord, you are indeed the greatest.