musings

it is 3:09 in the morning, the clock on the computer tells me so.  i was trying to see what i could do with my webpage.  perhaps i could finish my portfolio page.  it isnt done, and im a long way off from finishing it.  perhaps i should just make another one because the first one i made kinda bored me already.  and i do think i need to add new stuff in my webpage.  a lot of the crap i put here has started to smell, i dont know.  theyre beginning to bore me.  me. myself.  its funny when you think about it, here you are posting your webpage on the net that reflects your personality, your being, probably even your essence.  and you find it boring.  something’s wrong with me.  that i know.  last year i had it great.  really great.  today im a zombie, a walking corpse.  i had a lot of things going for me last year and even the things that troubled me has ceased to be.  now that i am supposedly better off i am not.  it seems ive lost much of what kept me going last year and now, i am in want of a new drive, a new goal.  a new direction.  needless to say the greater (basic) things in life are not forgotten like having to eat or sleep, waking up and taking a bath, praying and looking up to God and seeking His counsel.  those are all givens.  what about immediate plans?  dreams?  i realized i havent any.  that explains why ive been so lazy lately.  there is nothing to push me to do my thing, to live.  to realize this is no great comfort even, im still in want of it.  and the future is dreary and bleak, i do not even see shapes in the mists of christmas future.  perhaps i should ring up jacob marley, or is that his name in the first place i cant remember.  at least ive been assured by God his will will be for me.  and so i sleep, wake up and take a bath, eat and again seek His counsel, knowing that he will grant me his vision, his goal for me.  i will not toil in vain, that i know.

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