laundry therapy, musings

the storm

two days ago manila was hit by the worst storm in 11 years. and i had to be at the office at the time. edsa was practically deserted. the office was turning into a jungle right before my eyes. walked out at 3 and decided to take a hike from mandaluyong to cubao. walk therapy.

when i got to araneta center, decided to stop killing myself and took the bus to philcoa. forgot to get off from too much thinking about too much thinking and missed my stop. got off vanguard instead and despite legs hurting had to walk across devasted UP to get to vinzons. no jeep in sight. at katipunan only resto open were jollibee and shakeys. had to wait in line for hours. thankful for dinner at joven’s with tatems. laid down but couldnt sleep from thinking too much about thinking too much.

lights came back at 11pm and tried getting online in vain. slept again and took temporary solace listening to sad love songs from elton john’s aida.

“sometimes in my darkest thoughts,
I wish I’d never learned/
what it is to be in love
and have that love returned”

-radames and aida,
“written in the stars” aida

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laundry therapy

laundry therapy

yesterday i did my laundry. whites first. then a mix of greys greens and maroons. the blues was next before the batch of underwear. occupied myself with laundry and missed lunch. went to church and learned i wasnt liturgist that evening. dressed up for nothing. dinner buddies were not available. went home to eat pancit canton, checked mail then slept at 10pm.

“hey rod, nicky, can you help us settle something?”
“certainly!”
“whose life sucks more? brian’s or mine?”
“ours!”
– brian, kate monster, nicky and rod, “it sucks to be me” avenue q

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laundry therapy

didnt have time to do laundry. brought 14.8 kilos of laundry (half of what i needed to be cleaned) to barangka for washing. got it today (after 2 days). my clothes now smell of fabric softener. but my life remains hard and in need of a fix.

“dont breathe too deep/ dont think all day/ dive into work/ drive the other way/ that drip of hurt/ that pint of shame/ goes away/ just play the game.”
– mark cohen, “what you own,” rent

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musings

im nowhere in sight

ive been a bit lost since september 2005. i dont know where im going, dont know where ive been. i wanna pick up the pieces of this life-puzzle but im back to square ten where i sift through debris and ash and there’s just too much wind. im turning to stone and i woke up this morning not knowing what the hell im doing with my life. to write would help me organize my past but no time to write. there are always excuses, it’s too hot, the pen isn’t black, im having writers’ block, it’s too hot, the paper’s not homey, i’ve no computer, it’s day again.

i want to break free.

dear sir dante, i had fun working with you but i just need to do something else. im leaving the company. perhaps in the future i will find myself here working with you again but i just have to fly off. im resigning effective may 31. im grateful for all ive learned from you and the 2 years we’ve worked on projects and films, 2 years we worked on dreams and visions. im grateful, indeed. many thanks!

ben

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musings

calachuchis on sheridan avenue

traveling through edsa this afternoon i chanced upon the stereo surround chaos the busy highway produces. cruising down boni avenue on a p25 tricycle ride, going up the mrt overpass, taking the ordinary bus through crossing, the ruckus was more than enough to give anybody a headache. and the pollution stuck in the air pocket on the shaw intersection. i hated that. really hated going through there, i feel like the suffocating air gets physical, literal, its grey smoggy arms wrapped around my neck wringing me closer to death.

walking on sheridan avenue i saw calachuchi trees lining the street, its blooms falling on every gust of traffic air. one flower fell on the path before me. i looked at it but continued walking. better the calachuchi run over by goodyear than me.

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musings

cuzin tootsie and katipunan

dear cuzin tootsie,

yes i miss you too and our time here in katipunan. it, indeed, has been quite some time since you last walked down the avenue. katipunan has become home to us, our comfort living space extending beyond the 47L door. from the kanto to shoppersville, we’ve never gotten uneasy or have felt danger in this place. the crisp night air and the neon lit pavement creates a certain spell on passersby. walking in your house clothes to mcdonald’s or the bank justifies calling it your own.

you’d only have to cross the street to get to dance rehearsals while i take the jeep to choir practice. back in our time there was such a thing as a pedestrian walk across gate 3. what to eat was always a challenge, sisig at ken afford (can’t afford), chicken at bacolod, adobo at box o’ rice, chickenjoy, bigmac, mocha frap, bunch o’ lunch with extra basket of mojos. astig!

more for you: alpombra ni aling charing, mongolian eat-all-you-can at sweet inspiration, your annoying security guard over at chicken bacolod (he’s still there). no more mr. quickly nor goodah, instead you get stuffed crust pan pizzas where that stood once upon a time. gayuma, after being burned down, has moved to a new location near mcdonald’s. you missed seven-eleven and yellow cab by a few years, not that it’s important, considering theyre american franchises anyway.

wish you were here. come and visit us sometime. now na!
love,
kuya bin

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musings

malls and rain

yesterday it rained hard and i had to protect my pretty bald head from getting drizzled on. i waited for the sky to clear up a little before i braved the streets of mandaluyong. was stuck in rain and traffic for more than what i was willing to wait for. texted Tony i’d be late but couldnt get a signal. it figures. there’s no SUN (network) during rainy days! and yet, in the climate-controlled, daylight fluorescent lit halls of megamall, the SUN was shining.

i finally made it to megamall walking from the underworld of the shaw station through the gleaming facade of shangrila and down the tin-roofed walkway of megamall’s parking lot into the great belly of the beast itself. a lot of people took to shelter there and though nobody was buying anything, there remains the hope that they will. thus the evil cycle of capitalism unceasingly rolls.

and so i rant again. mindlessly, i went on. the power of the sun could keep me on unlimited calls and texts but the network’s overloaded with other calls so i couldnt get through. texting was the way to go. and in the microcosm society of megamall i still had a bit of power.

it used to be that society was ruled by the government and the church. nowadays if you were to look for church and state pieced together in one accord, you’ll find your little society in the boxed walls of megamall. i need to get an insurance. invest. get a loan. have to eat. get bread. buy school supplies. meet my people. go to church. get updated on what’s new. take a crap. got milk?

life is a commodity. everything for grabs. SALE. buy one take one. use your advantage card to avail of prizes and surprises. Life at 10% off. your soul at half the price. everything in its place. at the mall.

we got it all for you.

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musings

A lot of people from different backgrounds converge in Jollibee. Talk about the universality of food, this one takes the cake I guess. Where the masses dine with the well-off. Big men and small Asian guys, old women and their beautiful apos. Tatay with his seven children. And the childless couple sharing an ice craze order.

Started with burger today. TLC. Tomato lettuce and cheese yum burger. Always had that home-cooked torta taste to it, no wonder pinoys go gaga over Jollibee burgers. The salad was another thing. Not normally found in the pinoy table but health-conscious people have been adding it to their diets. Pair it with Asian dressing and it’s a blast.

This is home.

Bought a pad of drawing paper. Hopefully I’ll get to sketching again. Miss doodling but now I gotta have reason for it. Haven’t done real traditional art pieces. I’d love to explore installation art. It’s kinetic, physical and involves time and space. Dynamic art. Every minute counts in a 3d piece. Sometimes the artwork changes in a heartbeat.

I’m having the birthday blues right now. Suddenly I’m feeling really old. That’s when you grow lonely and alone. Even crowds can’t dispel the feeling; you stand isolated amidst the throng of busy shoppers and Jollibee patrons. Called cousin a while back. It has become more important to me to connect to family now than ever. Somehow I feel it will justify me. Define me. Prove my existence is not a fluke. I think therefore I’m supposed to be. No longer.

The old man seated across me has left. He had Chickenjoy and a burger at the same time. The old lady before him had spaghetti and rice. Carbo plus carbo. No wonder she could kick. She got loads of excess Jollibee energy.

The high school basketball team on the other table is feasting on both regular Jollibee fare and gonuts donuts. Shouldn’t they be charged of corkage?

Perhaps I should run now. I can hang out in PowerBooks while waiting for the screening of masahista to start. It gets idle. And I’m restless again. The night falls.

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movies

i want the boxed set!!!

batman begins is awesome! gives me reason to love the character more. i havent explored the books but ive been a fan of the first two films and although continuity is disrupted from this prequel to the next two films by tim burton, it doesnt matter either way. batman begins is batman.

fantastic cast! fantastic script! it nailed me the first few minutes into the film! direction was great, nolan didnt disappoint. he understood well the man behind the mask, the man who is defined not by who he is but by his actions. the thesis of this superhero is that he never had supernatural powers. and this batman isnt superhuman. he gets bruises and he falls down too. it’s fascinating being privy to the psyche of the bat-man. he clearly has his issues. and when he picks himself up, we cheer.

too bad bateman’s kevlar suit wasnt inherited by his descendant michael keaton who wore rubber suits in the supposed next two films, which protected him from bullets at point blank but suffered punctures from catwoman’s nails. im not the least disappointed, tim burton’s versions were fun (batman) and bittersweet (batman returns). nolan’s was memorable.

like i said, kill schumacher. “off with his head.”
vicky vale: “i like men in black rubber.”
batman: “try a fireman. less to take off.”
– batman (1990)

batman: “why are you doing this? let’s just take him to the police, then go home together. don’t you see, we’re the same, split down the middle. Please.”
catwoman: “bruce, I could live with you in your castle forever. just like in a fairy tale. i just couldn’t live with myself. so don’t pretend this is a happy ending.”
– batman returns (1992)
 

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