clearing out the clutter of life

So this post was written in March 12, 2015. and i havent been able to post it, i dont know why. it sat in drafts folder for the last 8 years basically. so im posting this today.

My name is benjamin. I am a hoarder.

It is important to understand one’s weaknesses in order to overcome it. With years of experience, i have no qualms about keeping things that mean something to me. And years after that reason has expired, i still have those items and they have accumulated to a mountain load.

My name is benjamin. I am a pack rat. yes

find the missing dog caption — find the missing dog

it was almost never an issue how i would keep things and not throw anything away when i was young. my mother let me rip up tissue napkins and fill up facebook is a treasure trove and one of those days back in march, traction was building up for one marie kondo, a japanese guru on organizing stuff. i began reading up about her work and tried to get a copy of her book, the life-changing magic of tidying up.

my pirated dvd collection in drawers. now all gone

ET heads a treasure hunt! — ET heads a treasure hunt (stories ive written when i was maybe 8 or 9 years old). please dont sue me for copyright infringement lol and dont turn grammar nazi on my 10 year old self, you monster.

photos from high school and college. laugh trip. and some from family (old BW pics)

selected books on display. maybe in a month ill go through them again and throw out more.

organizing my papers and some books in plastic crate boxes

so as ive said, this post was written in 2015. im now adding to this post and it’s 2023. i was successful in throwing out loads of stuff over the years, im also successful in keeping the few items that still spark joy. ive also have moved out of our katipunan apartment from 3 years ago and as you can imagine i need to be strategic on what i can keep and what i need to let go because condo spaces are generally small. storage will always be a problem.

one good thing is that i am a production designer for film. i can still keep some items and the rest i donate to my work as a designer. i get to be a hoarder as a designer haha i cant be a hoarder as a person but my work can be that person for me. lol.

so my condo space is a nice curation of items that carlo and i keep (mostly mine) and the rest are out in our work bodega warehouse. over the years too we needed to move warehouses and especially during the pandemic, we had to give up 80% of our stuff coz i couldnt afford the warehouse after 2 years of no clear work.

time to grow up. time to shake off the material wealth that will weigh us down. char! you dont need these in heaven. haha but your time on earth is always more colorful when surrounded by a few carefully selected book collection and small hand-written stories you made when you were 8, like 7 presidents ago.

filmmaking, food trip, laundry therapy, musings, travel

it’s 2023

i havent been able to blog on anything since 2020. the pandemic happened and COVID-19 beat the hell out of me and everyone. while we survived, the government did a shitty job handling the whole thing. and the elections happened and we all know how things went down south. my mental health went batshit and it’s been a slow climb back out of 2022. in 2023, events surrounding us were still crazy so im just trying to keep afloat really.

so let’s just fill ourselves with some personal updates via photos from early 2022 to now. while we all know a picture is worth a thousand words, we still need 140 characters or so to defend their posting. ive been keeping a 25 foot distance from facebook since 2021 and elon is killing twitter so looks like i might blog for a bit.

got involved in a production designers group since 2020. although the movement basically started 201, the prod designers only got to convene during the pandemic. it’s been a generally slow burn kind of thing pero i guess that’s the only way we can work our way around still doing full time shoots and organizing a guild kind of thing. since the pandemic, everybody has been extremely busy hence no more time for org work but we recognize it doesnt mean theyre deadma na to the goals of the group. birthing pains for sure.

we made it to sagrada familia in barcelona. the unfinished church is indeed a masterpiece, created by people who have a vision for the future. that came along with planning how barcelona itself was built. we want that kind of vision for the Philippines. it was tricky staying in our conqueror’s place. we suffered 300 years under them but also basically learned nothing from them. choz.

ive spoken on twitter about what was one of the things that made me realize i was gay. in my young life, my only access to things were underwear packages in department stores. i didnt understand it then, i was 5 years old after all but those pictures of torsos in their briefs made me all tingly inside. this magazine ad of fruit of the loom in his beautiful teal briefs cemented the realization that i liked men. and undies. and penises hidden behind teal briefs. like, i was 10 at that time. so yes, madlang people. bakla na ako bago ko pa nalaman ano ang bakla.

there’s also a photo of me with a superman poster in our family bedroom. again, as a kid i couldnt explain it but those red briefs were my kryptonite. and also whatever was hidden behind those red briefs. lol

how are we so far? ive begun to loathe toxic positivity during the pandemic and facebook is so full of it. trying to live life off social media because of that. outside work, ive been keeping myself with film guild stuff and laundry. if we had money, carlo and i would be traveling all the time haha but also just thankful we’ve been able to see dipolog, madrid, barcelona, and jeollanam-do korea this year because of work.

ive always been a vampire fan, esp with stoker and rice’s vampire lore. the tv series for anne rice’s interivew with the vampire was amazing and thrilling and sensual like it was in the books. this is the definitive vampire chronicles.

im happy our condo community has a recycling program wherein we surrender clean and washed waste to B.E.S.T. im made a habit out of washing all dirty plastics before segregating, and trying to keep paper clean too. i send the stuff every 4 weeks. this august 2022 trash is an accumulation of i think 2 or 3 months (coz we were shooting and i didnt have time to bring them down). here’s how much trash ive set aside not going to the payatas landfill.

we survived shooting a film (IN MY MOTHER’S SKIN, dir kenneth dagatan) in the gaston house in bacolod city in june 2022. the house was also used as location for peque gallaga’s oro, plata, mata, in 1981. as per the owners, the house was used as shoot location very few times (peque used it twice, and then law fajardo, and then one more local filmmaker) before us.

we had the wonderful experience and privilege to film in this complex. the house owner, monsignor gaston, and his staff, headed by yaya francis, and the monsignor’s family were very welcoming. we were able to ask yaya francis not to cut grass for 2 months and boy did all the weeds grow. wonderful! haha

looking back at all these pictures, my year was colorful din naman. experience was enough to say, it had its moments. and some not so good ones. looking forward to other things because there is no way to go but up, right?

cheers everyone! #LAVANLUNGS

laundry therapy, musings

2020. are we ready?

2019 was great but the 2nd half of the year was challenging for us. change in pace, manpower, and because i travelled a lot for my generally non-paying gigs, i realized i was financially in the low.

december made me reassess my choices and the events in 2019. i can only be positive about the coming new year. 2020 brings in so much hope it’s easy to get carried away with all that positive energy. thank God.

in 2020 i aim to be working more because i need money. i’ve a condo turnover this year (been paying for this for the last 5 years and the closing fees are pretty hefty plus i needed to get a bank loan this year). lord knows i also need new appliances and furniture for this.

i have a few film projects as prod designer this coming year, filming outside the phils. this obviously does not automatically mean i get paid more (it kinda does but not in a major major way). it just means we get to experience (again) living in another country for maybe a month or so (shot in vancouver, slovenia, siargao before. love the experience).

i have to go through a change of manpower this year for my team. maybe more like i need to mix it up. this means i also need to train people again and kinda start from scratch. part of me says im too old to be doing this. the other half tells me i nevertheless need to do it anyway so here goes.

my other plans are also not to put too much of my eggs in one basket so im working as a financial adviser as well since last year. this year i still need to find my stride and approach but im committing to this. it’s also means constantly reevaluating myself in the process and it’s both scary and fun. and scary.

on the back of my head i want to do something “easy” and hopefully income generating so i might dive into a small business of making soaps and shampoo bars this year and im asking my niece to help me out with marketing and sales so she gets her hands into a business she can handle. she’s 18 so im hoping this will help her future self.

last week before i left cdo to go back to manila, i talked to my nieces and nephew (aged 25, 18 and 16) about our family’s land properties and told them what it means and what these represent. what a land title is and why knowing who are named in those titles are important but more important is that these will eventually go to them. both my other sister and i dont have natural-born children so the next-in-line to own and take care of these houses and buildings would be them three. it’s sort of the kind of talk i wished my elders shared to us when we were younger.

it’s gonna be 19 years until im technically in “retirement age.” that’s not a lot of time actually. my SSS tells me i will only get around 6,500 pension when i retire. i need to set aside more for living expenses and if and when i get sick. that’s a lot of planning. huhu.

2020 is promising. let’s hope and pray it continues to be positive all the way through 🙂

laundry therapy, musings

capsule wardrobe!

first time im hearing this now. capsule wardrobe! maria callas in terence mcnally’s masterclass talked about having the Look. it’s when you’re bound to a certain recognizable style that becomes your brand. lagerfeld with his glasses. steve jobs with his turtlenecks. zuckerberg with his grey shirts. anna wintour with her hair (ok it’s not clothing, what do you expect from a fashion guru). the Look is not necessarily being fashionable but about being yourself. perhaps capsule wardrobe is a mashup of the Look (in relation to a curated wardrobe) and the konmarie method of a. keeping what brings you joy and b. keeping clothes to a minimum.

umm, no, that’s not my Look. it’s my wakanda warrior pose.

im almost always wearing black. it was something that just naturally happened during my college years and cemented itself when i started working. ive had a few colored shirts throughout the years but it’s probably in the last 5 years that ive almost exclusively worn black tops and dark jeans.

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well, ok in this photo i wore blue chinos.

my reasons for wearing black were mostly because they were economical. number 1, it takes me about a second to decide on what to wear in the morning. i open my closet and pick oh, maybe this black shirt instead of that other one, and they’re all the same black shirts (fila large size black shirts because the length and width of the shirt is perfect for me and also the length of the sleeves). it’s a no brainer.

secondly, black doesnt scream out fat. i was a skinny 90 lb kid in the 90s. and in the year 2018 im maybe 2018 lbs. no, im not. im hiding some things (like my midsection really). my neck and cheeks have gotten really big too so i should maybe consider turtlenecks. in tropical philippines. thirdly, there’s no third reason. my shirts are inexpensive, only my underwear is expensive but ive stopped buying expensive underwear for the last 3 years maybe but that’s for another blog.

benjamin padero

this is me 50 lbs ago. and without hair. my Look then was a shaved head.

ive read and done the konmarie method of weeding out my stuff in 2015. take note, weeding, not keeping things tidy (at least for me). marie kondo, if you havent heard of her, is a japanese tidying-up master who wrote a book, spark joy, about the konmarie method. basically if you’re cleaning through your wardrobe, you take out all your clothes into a pile and touch them one by one, segregating the items that still give you “joy” when wearing and tossing out items you may not have worn in the last 1-2 years because maybe it doesnt fit you anymore or you were saving them for special events but have tons of those, and you might need to reconsider and let them go. it’s very therapeutic and helpful for hoarders like myself. i was able to cut down my clothes to a minimum. and they’re all black.

i did my kondofying of the closet around 2015. and im proud to say ive managed to keep my closet roughly the same now as it was when i cleaned it out. before photo below. mind you this was carlo’s and mine, yes it was recently cleaned up and organized but there were a lot of clothes here. photo taken in 2015.

here is my closet now, 2018 taken just this afternoon.

carlo and i just celebrated our 11th anniversary. you wanna know the secret in being able to keep a relationship going strong all these years? separate closets! i kid you not. what you’re seeing is just my closet.

in the photo above on pile number 1, i have maybe 5-6 cotton jackets (i get cold easily). pile number 2, i cycle through about 5 shirts for sleep/home use (oversized cotton shirts for comfort). i still have 3 shirts there i cant let go (one is a purple shirt coco martin wore as his costume in his first movie, an ET shirt from my cousin tootsie, and a coke shirt with ET on it from tita an). undernearth i have white button-down shirts i dont normally wear but need for formal events (a tuxedo shirt) or funerals (ironically, white is de rigueur in funerals). pile number 3: 2 dri-fit shirts for shooting (uniqlo shirts are nice) and maybe 10 cotton fila shirts for everyday needs plus around 5 button-down shirts (long and short-sleeved shirts). last pile, i have 5 pairs of denims and chinos. 3 or 4 easy shorts (in dark blue mostly) and another 2 in dri-fit material. maybe 5 boxer shorts for home. there are other seasonal items in my closet (stored separately) but these here are generally my go-to day wear to work (shoots, meeting with agency or clients, even sorta formal events — i just put on a cardigan over my cotton shirt and im good).

ps. the 2 stuffed animals in the closet were owned by our dog-baby who passed away 3-4 years ago. and since every time i see this stuffed monkey and cheetah it sparks joy in my heart and im reminded of pogiboybabyroobabydog all the time so i still keep them in there, on hangers. there is another stuffed banana toy of pogi’s kept safe in my props boxes in storage. hehe. *tear.

capsule wardrobe. that apparently is what i have. cheers!

see? im almost always in black. have you figured out what your Look is?

filmmaking, laundry therapy, musings, save the earth, travel

selfie vlog: king’s landing

so this is the story.

i took selfie videos while going around the old city in dubrovnik, croatia where they shot game of thrones. then i edited them with music from the show and posted on youtube. so i thought that was that.

on the day we were to leave croatia, the old landlady from our airbnb told me she saw me “on internet.” because she took note of our names and passport upon check-in, i assumed she researched our names and found me on facebook. so that was that.

in the airport while checking in for our flight, the guy manning the check-in counter told me he recognized me with the blue hair and touring the old city location a few days ago. i asked him if he was there when we were going around. he told me, no. he only saw me “on internet.”

what?

he told me he saw my video. ah. i asked if he saw it on facebook. no, in the news.

what?!!

then while processing our boarding passes, he whips out his phone and starts searching for the website of the local news. he shows it to me (it was in croatian) and i took note of it. flabbergasted, i later searched the site again. the translation was something else.

my video apparently went viral in dubrovnik and was featured in two websites. “dangerous stunt” daw. lol. here’s the full video. dangerous daw, huwag tularan.

a view of the king’s landing from the steps going up the red keep. i cant stop gushing about how gorgeous this little pocket of heaven is.

wanderlust: dubrovnik

carlo, bianca, pepe, royd, bentol, and myself took a short plane ride to dubrovnik, croatia from the czech republic, to take the game of thrones tour. the city has become a major tourist attraction when hbo moved to film scenes from the hit tv show, game of thrones, in croatia for season 2. a lot of the exterior scenes of king’s landing and other locations were filmed in the old city and other parts of dubrovnik. i only knew about it when bianca suggested we take a side trip during the time we’re attending the karlovy vary film festival.

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dubrovnik is a gorgeous coastal town and we enjoyed our time in it. it was summer and most of the tourists are heading for the beaches in dubrovnik. and then there was us going for game of thrones!

at the trsteno arboretrum recreating a scene from GOT

i love the cypress trees jutting out of the hills amidst stone-walled houses. ang ganduh parang nasa croatia ka lang. choz.

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inside the old city.

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people resting by the docks away from the afternoon heat.

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we stayed a total of 3 days in dubrovnik before heading to budapest. it was a bit expensive compared to the czech republic but totally worth it. the beaches are awesome and i would love to spend next summer here again. choz.

will post the youtube video of the old city tour we took that got viral in the local news. lol. and for the rest of the photos, here’s the link to my facebook photo dump. cheers!

on the steps where cersei took her walk of shame

food trip, laundry therapy, musings, travel

wanderlust: dubrovnik

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wanderlust: karlovy vary

karlovy vary is about 1.5 hours from prague in the czech republic. i had but recently only realized that czechoslovakia had divided itself in 1993 (i blame sleepy afternoons and not concentrating in history). so there is the czech republic and there is slovakia on the map. awesome to learn something every day, right?

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karlovy vary is known for their spas and medicinal spring waters and a lot of their tourism is towards people seeking wellness and therapy. however, every july their sleepy little town gets to throw a big party for the summer crowd and because it hosts the karlovy vary international film festival.

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this is Hotel Thermal, home of the karlovy vary international film festival. the hotel is kinda like CCP, except with a hotel and is near everybody else.

our film, KAPATIRAN (Brotherhood), was screened this year, ive blogged about it already. this post would show a little bit of karlovy vary instead.

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one of the ballrooms in the grandhotel pupp with a big ass morgan freeman portrait. one of the biggest spa hotels in karlovy vary and where a lot of the parties during the festival were hosted. it’s awesome for 1 festival to have most of the whole city so involved. you can see a lot of their poster billboards all over. the theaters are spread out and not just in one venue.

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another one of the venues where we had our 2nd screening of karlovy vary. goofing outside the cafe, we were joined by hubert poul (6th from left), programmer in karlovy vary and the one who was responsible for bringing us to the czech republic. also in the photo in lucille (rightmost) who was in-charge of our schedules and car transfers. very organized and with a bmw sponsorship for transfers, we were major alta in karlovy vary haha

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early morning and the crowd had just partied the night before. still some few souls traversing through the venue and gardens, others sunbathing for their life. im pinoy, no thanks, i have my umbrella to shield me from the sun.

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the view outside hotel ruze, where we enjoy our breakfast buffet of cheeses, hard bread, and yohgurt. plus goulash and different kinds of sausages as well.

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another of the collonades that feature a spring of water, supposedly medicinal and which you can drink (if you buy them touristy ceramic mugs).

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we stayed for 4-5 days but wish we could stay the whole week. got to watch brillante mendoza’s ma’rosa (heartbreaking) and swiss army man, directed by dan kwan and daniel scheinert (amazing). then of course, the new edit to kapatiran, which we saw for the first time in karlovy vary. during the q&a, pepe likened the philippines to shattered glass, an archipelago of broken people, separated by seas and subcultures yet connected by affiliations. and then there was a proposal that occurred. but that will be another story.

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for the rest of the photos i took in karlovy vary, head on to my fb photodump album.

art & design, filmmaking, laundry therapy, movies, musings, travel

wanderlust: karlovy vary

had a grand time in karlovy vary celebrating its 51st international film festival and especially because our film was part of the festival. aside from kapatiran (brotherhood), lav diaz’s 8-hour opus, hele sa hiwagang hapis, and brillante mendoza’s cannes entry, ma’rosa (which won jaclyn jose her biggest international acting award), were also screened in karlovy vary.

but more than anything, i particularly love the paparazzi theme of the festival. and with that, we staged our own.

producer, bianca balbuena

production designer, benjamin padero

production designer, carlo tabije

director, pepe diokno

director, pepe diokno, and associate producer, royd santiago

production designers, benjamin padero and carlo tabije

thug life editor, benjamin tolentino

filmmaking, laundry therapy, musings, travel

evading the paparazzi

stayed away from facebook and logged off twitter since monday because i havent had time to watch the new game of thrones episode. but im looking at all the positives of this action. i had more time to nap between meetings and shoots and during the long uber ride home in rush hour. i missed the hullabaloo of catcalling and whistling controversies and i think that’s a good thing. too much drama and the guy hasnt even really started working yet. my mobile internet is not exactly all that happy though because instagram consumes a lot more data and i hit my cap too fast.

btw, im blogging because im not exactly on facebook still.

im thankful carlo and i got to watch x-men apocalypse last week before we got busy. btw, the critics should just really stop because the movie was awesome. the only thing i didnt like about it is nightcrawler’s jeje hair. sansa stark was awesome as sophie turner as jean grey. and im loving the new cyclops. the character was always my favorite compared to wolverine.

we just finished majority of principal photography for SINGLE/SINGLE season 2 with pepe diokno. the cast is awesome and fun but shooting as fast as we did takes a toll and ill never really like shooting for tv. unless maybe if i were working on a show like game of thrones or some weta production in new zealand then i wont have complaints whatsoever. the best person on the set in S/S was, hands down, utility jay-r who was always gracious and checking that everyone gets hydrated. such a selfless man. thanks, kuya jay-r.

also finished a shoot with paolo dy that i wasnt able to personally shoot haha (because i had a conflict sked with single single). carlo supervised the shoot as double unit instead. wow double unit. i never do double units, btw, but had no choice for this because of the celebrity talent’s schedule. paolo’s fast on the finishing touches and marketing of his new full length movie, ignacio, a gorgeous costume drama on the saint, coming on in july. hope all goes well for paolo and the film!

and im excited to buy a new printer. my other one conked out after 3 years of continuous, “unlimited” printing. and when it did, i was broken and unproductive creatively and realized i was totally reliant on printers. i wish i could afford a portable printer that does A3 paper but i can only afford this. and im happy.

had a short trip flying to cagayan de oro last week to see my cousin get hitched. he wanted me to “host” his reception as i have done with our other cousins’ wedding reception dinners years ago. and so i went. hahaha congrats tonski and zsazsa!

then i got to meet my brother-in-law’s adopted pitbull, bruno. and while i believe in good-hearted dogs, this 8-month old puppy chilled my heart a bit because i was considered a stranger in their house. he barked at me! hahaha and while he slowly approached and licked my hands, his body language was still on guard and anxious and he stares at me (head to toe). it will take a bit more time for him to fully accept me but ill only be seeing him again in december and by then he’ll have grown up and totally forget me. cesar millan, help. haha

but i was at the beach with him that sunday. and because he was so busy swimming to get back to land, i got to hug him and carry him above water.

so many gorgeous people on the set of SINGLE/SINGLE, mind you. and all are easy-going, kind, and considerate of everyone. matteo, shaina, anna luna, brian sy, bernardo bernardo, jc santos, and the dame cherie gil. then we have the gorgeous will devaughn, who walks in and worlds stop. actors aside, i only agree to work in non-tvc projects based on the cast of characters behind the camera. who can say no to bianca balbuena? aber? along with her epic partner, pepe diokno, and epic lover, bradley liew, we have kuya ruel (char kuya), kulas, ms ninay, lilit, patti lapus (extraordinaire), martin and maki. kalorks roll call na ito sige nga. pero hindi na lahat ha, haba the list. shoutout to our hard working team, kitch, sammy, docdoc, nante, melben, isabel, ken, vinze.

and speaking of vinze, this guy was our intern for the whole two months of summer. i warn interns that production shoots go beyond their required 240 hours of internship and they have to be willing to stay a bit longer to complete a project. this guy stayed two months and went through 5 different tv commercial shoots and 6 days of the SINGLE/SINGLE shoot. still so much to learn but hardworking, he wanted to just stay forever as art department. but like all interns, and because i believe in real education, i strongly demanded he bring his ass back to school and finish college before coming back to work full time in the art department. i tell you, you’ll thank yourself years later. and your mom will be the most fulfilled mom because she’ll see you on stage getting your diploma. congratulations in advance on your graduation, vinze. 😉

and i have now finished my coffee and have to run off do prep for another shoot. cheers and wishing everyone a safe and productive weekend!

ps. this is perhaps the best ramen in manila ive ever experienced. was introduced to this by direk erin pascual. life changing ramen. this is mendokoro ramenba in salcedo village, makati. the shoyu ramen is the best and the only thing i order and eat because i cant get over it. no, i cant.

art & design, filmmaking, food trip, laundry therapy, movies, musings, set design, sketch

a week off facebook

filmmaking, laundry therapy, movies

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (2015)

there are movies that move you to tears and some to laughter. this one makes you scream and curse and rage and hyperventilate over the awesomenessofitall. it drives you mad. to the max. now i understand.

a lot have been said over the direction and the design (the costumes and car designs have been unanimously praised) of the movie and i agree with everything. it’s so awesome it blows my mind. the musical score and sound design were phenomenal; i especially love the visual aspect of the score pairing the army drummers onscreen with the kickass doof warrior character doing riffs on that rig, it’s insane! george miller. colin gibson. jenny beavan. junkie xl. john seale. tom hardy. charlize theron. nicholas hoult. they’re all insane!

another thing i love about it was the practical effects the director took lengths to do. it harks back to the days when cg was so low tech and most people do live effects and puppets and all to create a tangible, physical world to shoot in. i dont know if they shot in film as well (too tamad to research) but the look was just gorgeous and the effect visceral that if it were not for the 3D glasses i had on, i swear i was back in the old decripit theater downtown in my province in the 80s gawking at the fast paced road rage going onscreen.

i hate 3D but if there was anything you needed to see in 3D iMAX this year, this is it. 5/5

benjamin padero

yes. me.

Category Archives: laundry therapy

clearing out the clutter of life

it’s 2023

cheers everyone! #LAVANLUNGS

2020. are we ready?

capsule wardrobe!

selfie vlog: king’s landing

wanderlust: dubrovnik

wanderlust: dubrovnik

wanderlust: karlovy vary

wanderlust: karlovy vary

evading the paparazzi

a week off facebook

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (2015)

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cheers everyone! #LAVANLUNGS

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wanderlust: dubrovnik

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wanderlust: karlovy vary

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