it is 3:22 in the morning, hope it’s all right with y’all there. im just ranting here and speaking of rantings, check out cuzin toots’ updated website. with a little help she was able to fix up her website in a few days. id say that’s pretty good work. i really dont have time to finish up things plus the guilt trip that my school work will be set aside if i start working on my site. which is more important? the world’s future hangs in a balance as i ponder on the best possible action to take. as i think and think and think i hear my stomach growling. inspired by the tao of pooh, when your tummy growls it means it’s time for you to eat. and so i go boil some water for instant pancit canton. as i go the world crashes into oblivion….
Category Archives: musings
it is 3:09 in the morning, the clock on the computer tells me so. i was trying to see what i could do with my webpage. perhaps i could finish my portfolio page. it isnt done, and im a long way off from finishing it. perhaps i should just make another one because the first one i made kinda bored me already. and i do think i need to add new stuff in my webpage. a lot of the crap i put here has started to smell, i dont know. theyre beginning to bore me. me. myself. its funny when you think about it, here you are posting your webpage on the net that reflects your personality, your being, probably even your essence. and you find it boring. something’s wrong with me. that i know. last year i had it great. really great. today im a zombie, a walking corpse. i had a lot of things going for me last year and even the things that troubled me has ceased to be. now that i am supposedly better off i am not. it seems ive lost much of what kept me going last year and now, i am in want of a new drive, a new goal. a new direction. needless to say the greater (basic) things in life are not forgotten like having to eat or sleep, waking up and taking a bath, praying and looking up to God and seeking His counsel. those are all givens. what about immediate plans? dreams? i realized i havent any. that explains why ive been so lazy lately. there is nothing to push me to do my thing, to live. to realize this is no great comfort even, im still in want of it. and the future is dreary and bleak, i do not even see shapes in the mists of christmas future. perhaps i should ring up jacob marley, or is that his name in the first place i cant remember. at least ive been assured by God his will will be for me. and so i sleep, wake up and take a bath, eat and again seek His counsel, knowing that he will grant me his vision, his goal for me. i will not toil in vain, that i know.
yesterday was tita tems’ birthday. we celebrated it with the usual barangay 47-l fare: spaghetti and coke. also served that night were kfc chicken and abunda manga float. present were toots’ guests: gigi, leo, andrew, and larry; my guest: faisal; ta tems’ friends: joven and pines, and then ej and miel’s proxy, jon. miel couldnt be there, may exam daw. tootsie and i realized during the evening that we never had anything to eat the whole day. i was out doing the groceries and when i got back home i was cooking and cleaning already. it never occurred to me that i was hungry (or wasnt, for that matter) or nalipasan nalang ko. anyway we all had fun during dinner, faisal sat beside his professor joven and was so well-behaved. pati si joven, pagabot sa wine, well-behaved pud kay naa iyang studyante tapad. si andrew naginom ug orange cappuccino, muy interesante daw. gigi arrived singing and was surprised to find the house full of guests already, na-ulaw kadali. si leo, nag-immersion, nanghugas ug baso, si faisal iyang amo. si ej, larry and jon murag dragon sa sala. topic of the night was still lord of the rings. nuff said.
at last my org in fine arts is on its way to becoming a real org. who would have thought getting organized and electing officers only at the 2nd half of the last semester of the year? anyway, im just happy we’re now with elected people we can “lean on” (more like point our fingers at when things go wrong). but really, dont get me wrong the fact that most of the people i voted for and who i think would do great in those offices were elected. my org in fine arts is CAM, camera as art movement. we basically push to get cinema recognized as an major artform, however you define what art is. one of our regular activities is screening obscure films like dancer in the dark, cinema paradiso, and buster keaton movies. the org is ironing out plans to screen the 5-hour opus, batang westside, in the up film center in february. our adviser was involved in the making of the film and so we kinda had that edge on getting the film for screening. of course dili nalang mi gasalig ana busa trabaho pa pud mi etc. another big activity we’re trying to put up is the annual in your eye film festival, showcasing indie videos (mostly student work). that would be in march or something.
i just resurrected my site tonight. thought id do something for a change. the irony there’s i havent changed a thing yet. my life i think was crap a few months back until i made peace with God’s graces and now im living out his will. i was great last december but now i suddenly feel crappy again. i have to bring this up to him up there and ask him to take his hammer and do some knocking on my cranium to wake me up.
anyway for some news bits the up fine arts won all major awards (except 1) including over-all best lantern in last year’s lantern parade. our class in fine arts also won best class (they say we did) mainly because our classmates did really great wasp and moth lanterns. my group did crappy work (we did ladybugs) but not that im sourgraping or anything it’s just fact y’know.
another news tidbit my sister recently got married to clapton asuncion last december 20. the ceremony was pretty intimate (family only) and really personal (even the pastor was crying). really sweet you’d have to be there to believe it. congrats mati and clap. i do pray you’d be guided always by the big guy up there who definitely loves you both and has already blessed you with so much. im happy to have clap in the family and really blessed to see you both now together. love ya both!
i was really sick yesterday but i’m much much better now. i had the chills and my temperature was really high. i thought i was done getting sick last week pero nge, naa pay aftershock. cuzin tootsie is also sick, perhaps because of me. two days ago, a friend (jhem) from fine arts said he got sick because of me too. gemini, who i last had dinner with two nights ago, is also sick now and she blames me! =) anyway, this morning my temperature is back to normal. i’m still trying to take it slow, though. ill write a longer entry here when im really well.
i just met three of my professors in class today and we’ve already set our final projects for each. since the last day of classes in u.p. is on the 9th, our project deadlines fall on the 8th as that is our regular class schedule. anyhow, i really think our project for visual design is really interesting since we’d be doing a book of alphabets representing the meanings of words that start with that particular letter. for example, an avalanche is depicted on the design of the letter A with one of its side crumbling to pieces, etc etc. in my black and white photography class we now have only one project for a final plate. we’re gonna do an art portrait and i’m still deciding on what to shoot. as for production techniques, all we will be doing is taking a field trip to the inquirer and visiting their printing press. tomorrow we still have to meet my figure drawing professor and my design workshop teacher and discuss our last projects. if all my classes will work on the last-day-of-classes deadline, i will be home earlier this year and even catch high school classmate jill tan’s birthday on the 15th! hope she celebrates with lechon and adobo…
today’s my godchild’s birthday so i’m reserving this space for her in celebration of 7 (is it?) wonderful years. leakathrina padero was just cited for 3rd honors in her school in cagayan de oro. last sunday, she sang solo in all three services in my hometown church to invite the congregation to the children’s choir concert later that evening. i still don’t know what she sang because my sisters would not update me on stuff! anyway, my cousin ace tells me (he was in the band) the concert was great. well, my little niece is on her way to great heights and opportunities in God’s ministry. hopefully she’ll continue to grow up in God’s grace. and so, happy birthday leakat!!!
i’m sick right now. not sick in the head, but really sick. i’ve been feeling something since wednesday evening already, i was sneezing like mad. by thursday morning, my nose’s been running like hell. by the evening i was feeling under the weather. now i’m just sick. anyway, life goes on and as the americans still try to pursue some military plan undetailed to the major populace i remain here in the house cold and alone. please save your pity to the children of the dust who, like that one who begged me for food while i ate a scrumptious meal of baconsilog at rodic’s, remain an untapped resource in the scheme of things. they can be educated, they can be molded to be better citizens of our country. if not for the money they would have been growing up mightily and strong. i have no point here, allow a sick man to babble nonsense, if you may. i have to go back to bed.
yesterday night, millions found themselves glued to their television sets and witnessed the unfolding of a great tragedy. four hijacked planes intentionally crashed into major structures in the united states. you already know the details but i have to say this again, the event is so surreal it was like watching a movie only that this is real. it used to be that art would imitate life; now it seems to have turned tables on us. it was horrifying watching that second plane hit the world trade center right before our very eyes. and a little later, there was no world trade center to behold. it was just terrible and even if we are here in the philippines it doesnt mean we aren’t affected by it not unlike the americans. to think of all those trapped and killed by the blasts and the collapse of the buildings i was reminded by the recent tragedy of the hotel fire that killed hundreds in quezon city. i extend my condolences and prayers to all, we are to find ourselves in more trying times now as war would most probably erupt.
benjamin padero 